sEceBis RaHSiA HaTi

2010-11-08T14:48:00.002+08:00

Hanging out at the void deck at the block right outside the school in Yishun, frantically trying to ride in the school car park, bringing unauthorised person into the studio, trips to fort canning and bukit chandu and all other places on the island, squirming after reading the 'racist' comments, walking on the wooden bridges and sitting by the window of a restaurant and enjoying the view while eating. Aaaahhh The good times. I wish I could turn back time when I was a student.

Random

2009-09-03T10:20:00.003+08:00

Been a while since i last updated this thing...
No time sey.
We had family iftar on the second Sunday of the fasting month.
The same place every year but the standard has gone down.
16 of us altogether.
The in-laws, the fiance and fiancee; and the girlfriends were there too.
FUN FUN FUN
After iftar we went to town and did more nonsense.

Ouh and then there is jalur gemilang on 31st August.
Finally wishes stopped getting into thin air.
I celebrate this day every year whispering well wishes into the air.
Stupidity.
Finally this year the wish had some weight.

Sofra. I missed eating at sofra and everything about it.

I went to SINGAPORE POLYTECHNIC last Thursday.
I'm currently waiting to get back there.
The moment i stepped into that school, I felt like I'm turning back in time.
I walked pass my studio and remembered how I got told off for bringing
an outsider into the studio.
'Who is this?' >'Ouh, my friend. from other course.'
'which course?' >'**Like shit**err...'
'U mean ur friend got no lecture now?' >friend left... (SO BUSTED)
I missed how I'd rush to the Moberly Block every Wednesday as soon as I
ended studio lessons at 12 noon.
Then I felt like going to bukit chandu.
Then i made my way down to Foodcourt 3.
And i remembered the spring chicken n the coleslaw burger.
And along the way to Foodcourt 3 i walked pass the void deck.
The void deck we used to play catching at. We'd run round the deck, we'd climb
up and down the table and the seats.
I missed those times. The times that were mine for just a very short while.
The times i wished was mine forever.
But we grow up and graduated from school.
And the good times were left behind.
We began to go through the hurdles of life trying to survive to the end.
Striving hard to survive.
I stopped looking forward to waking up the next day.
But rather, waking up sets me thinking 'I survived another day'
Alhamdulillah for the strength and patience that You grant me.
Dear Rabb, I live my days because of You.

Seoul Gardens

2009-07-02T01:30:00.002+08:00

And so I made plans early morning with
my colleagues early morning to have
dinner at the hot mee soto stall.
Then i received the last minute call and
quickly changed my plans. Walaoweii
damn rushing lorr. Made bookings in a matter
of minutes. Luckily I got the place lorr.
Sweetheart and Siti accompanied me there.
Love you guys lorr.
We ate at Seoul Gardens at Bugis.
Sweetheart, Siti, Fadzilah(Joho), Izz(Joho) and myself
were there. We cam-whored and pigged out.
The kentut card reading session was damn hilarious lahhh....
Izz acted as if i've place a bomb inside it.
And Wany!!!! Walaoweii you damn obvious lorr.
Even Fadzilah could smell there was something going on and ran away
from the table... hahahha
So people, if you plan to rob a bank, Wany's not the one...
\hahahhahahahha... Siti was officially the camera crew. hahahha
Ouh after the mix of ingredients and wine; the dang thing still tasted
like tomyam. No change. Like wth.

Update...

2009-06-04T15:15:00.002+08:00

Got myself a new phone to cheer myself up.
I saved up my money for some effing thing
which i end up not doing so i HAD to use up that money
for something that would cheer me up.
Happy lorr.
Then there is this thing that keep bugging me all along.
But whatever lorr. Somehow I don't quite care.
Walaoweii...
Sometimes you know you can't get what you want;
So you just do what you are told.
See even if you don't do as you are told, you still
won't get it mahh...
So yoiu might as well right?
Sh*t lorr....
Ouh did I tell you that Zhang Dong Liang is downright adorable?
F. BIG F.

I want to look up to you. Help me.

2009-04-14T20:09:00.003+08:00

qwerty.
I want to be able to look up to you
as a respectable man.
As on that respects himself.
One that respects his family
by respecting himself.
One that respects the people around him.

qwerty.
I hate hearing about all the shits in you.
All the more see them.
I want to shut them when i hear them.
Because you worth much more.
I hate it when i see them smile at you
when all they do behind is trash you.

qwerty.
Don't you know?
Or do you pretend not to know?
I'll keep standing up for you.
But i can't stand for long.
But i will for as long as i can.

Reminiscence: Danish Zafran

2009-03-10T22:14:00.003+08:00

I counted days to the day he was born.
Imagining how his smile would be.
How his laughter would have sounded like.
How his cries would be.
How it would feel like holding him in my arms.
And when that day finally comes, i never came.
I've always wanted to see him.
I wanted to see the look of the child that i had been waiting for.
Since the day he was born. I never got the chance.
I never knew how he looked like.
I never heard what he sounded like.
But i felt like i knew him.
By the name of Syeikh.
What they imagined he would grow up to be.
How they said he seldom cried.
How they tell me he'd always smile.
Then there was an sms i never get to read. Year 2006.
One i received but deleted by accident b4 reading.
Little did i know the sms was important as hell.
And till today i regretted not replying to the message that 'never got to me'.
Danish Zafran.
That was my only chance. My one and only chance to see him.
Once. Just once. And it would have stayed with me forever.
The one i've always hoped to see.
Now i'll never get to see.
That was the message telling me he was gone.
Gone forever. That message 'that never got to me'.
I missed it. Again.
Hence i've missed it. Forever now.
But recently, i got to see a video of him.
One that keeps repeating itself.
With that song.
That song: Ariq... Namamu terukir di hatiku;
dikau pengubat rindu di kala hati sendu;
Ariq... Kehadiranmu membawa makna
tapi mengapa hanya seketika.. oo..oo
That song.
The song.

Love and Loved.

2009-03-10T00:20:00.002+08:00

Had exams on 07 March '09...
3 papers lah sey. Mustolah Hadith, Fiqh Munakahat and al-Quran. LoVeLy FiaNcE was having an event at Bukit Panjang Plaza.
Didn't get to attend because of exams. =(
But he was so sweet lah sey that day. Right after the event he walked through the rain rempuh hujan to fetch me at school. He reached an hour and a half earlier though. I was studying for my last paper on the 5th floor. So i didn't go downstairs to meet him. Luckily dad was there. I called dad to help get him some rice. Poor little thing is cold and hungry just because he wanted to fetch me. sweet right? kental kan bual pasal tunang sendiri... hahah
Then it was time for my last paper. Dad knocked on the window just as the paper was about to start. He asked me to come out of the class for a while. Rupenye nk pass nasi ayam penyet... hahaha... ler... i quickly finished the paper as i didn't want to leave LoVeLy FiaNce waiting for too long. I took half an hour to finish the whole paper... wakakakkakaka... Sounds quick. haha... Nk cepat punye pasal... Bantai... hehehhe
What to do... he was being sweet mah... so i must do something... InsyaAllah lah jawapan exam ku x merapek... hahahha But alhamdulillah the papers were not too bad. THANK YOU TO LoVeLy FiaNce FOR TAKING THE TIME TO TEACH ME FOR MY EXAMS =D

Oh well...

2009-03-09T22:29:00.000+08:00

Kesian.

A Fantabulous Singer.

2009-02-11T21:22:00.004+08:00

Whenever the term 'good singer' is mentioned,
this old friend never failed to come to mind.
Its as if the term 'good singer' co-exists with him.
It has been 4 years, in the 5th year now, and i am still searching for
a voice that could top his. Most people can sing
but its just not there. somehow or other...
Some puts in a lot of effort just to sing. Too much to be exact.
Product = Its sounds fake.
There is just a few blessed with a great voice n could sing effortlessly.
Sounds good anywhere... in the bath, on the toilet bowl, while day dreaming away...
It's a talent God blessed old friend with.
Heard from urs truly years back he got offered to sing
in m'sia though he's no artiste here.
no album nothing.
Somehow he comes from a family who doesn't encourage any hanky panky.
Almost a wasted chance but benefitted a lot from it i believe.
x tanam saham. Alhamdulillah.
But no doubt its a creditable voice.
I can't find a voice better than old friend's.
Not yet at least.
The way old friend sings makes any other sounds very much like an amatuer.
buat i kesian tgk org laen menyanyi.
Simply because he made it look so effortless; And yet, Product = Priceless

What to update eh?

2009-02-01T10:10:00.002+08:00

haha... kk i update... actually i have nothing important to account to so i x update... hehehhe
went down to Town on Thursday with LoVeLy FiaNcE. He fetched me from work. sweet right? haha. We were so noisy inside the bus. I pretended to be a man and spoke to him like one. Then i treated him as my 'girlfriend'.

**With my man's voice**

Sodiqin(Her): Jom i ajak u pegi zoo
Sodiqin(Him): EEEEEE! Stop it lah Syg!!!!!!!!!!
Sodiqin(Her): Jom lah... I ajak u gi zoo k?
Sodiqin(Him) ran to the next seat. he refused to sit with me after that. hahahhaa
Sodiqin(Her): Jgnlah merajok... kk i bawak u pi jurong bird park k?
Sodiqin(Him) stuck out his leg to me and: abg tendang klua bus nk?

HAHAHhahahhahahhaha.... So funny lah sey. hahahha
This LoVeLy FiaNcE of mine can't stand bapsss. hahahhaha So cute.

Ate at Sakura. Waited for so long for the food to be served. For the first time Sakura's service pissed LoVeLy fiAnCe off. hahahha...
He had been complaining that he's hungry since inside the bus. And we had to wait for an hour plus for his cheese baked rice to be served. My pandan leaf chicken and white rice came after about after half an hour. So i let him have some of mine while waiting for his food. Honestly i think they forgot his order. After 20 mins, the waiter came...

Waiter: Can i check with u ur order?
SodiqinS: Yeah
Waiter: Hotplate beancurd, White rice, 2 ice water and orange juice.
Sodiqin(Him): No there's a lot more.

**Whispering**

Sodiqin(Him): Ape lg eh abg order?
Sodiqin(Her): Hmm pandan leaf chicken and cheese baked rice
Sodiqin(Him): Haha abeh abg step no there's a lot more. hahahhaha
Sodiqin(Her): Hahahhha

**Back to conversation with the waiter**

SodiqinS: Pandan leaf chicken and cheese baked rice
Waiter: Ouh. I'll check that. The cheese baked rice is on another receipt.
Sodiqin(Him): Make it quick. I'm hungry.
Waiter: Yes sir.

hahahahhahah. Honestly i think the waiter forgot about the cheese baked rice.
Otherwise why would he write the order for the same table on a separate receipt? Plus the couple next to us who arrived much later had his cheese baked rice served. Confirm lupe... hahahahhaa

after we ate we just jalan2 around far east plaza. Somehow or other we kept acting crazy that day. we went to this shop selling cartoon whatever-you-call-it. figurines? whatever lah eh... hahaha... So i was looking for this sexy figurines they always have. Then i showed him and said i like them. so he said he do too. hahahhahhaha

Sodiqin(Him): Abg pun suke
Sodiqin(Her): EEEEEEEEEE! nanti x bagi masok rumah baru tau!

Then we went to the next store.

Sodiqin(Her): Hah amek nih yg ade kepak.
Sodiqin(Him): EE xnk uh!
Sodiqin(Her): OUUUUUH!!!!!! Memilih! **Mencebikkan bibir**

hahahahhahah. It was damn fun lah sey! Then got this couple tot we were quarelling kot.
They were looking at us until we burst out laughing, then they walked off. hahahahaha. Relax lah bro... org nk bergurau pon xle. hahahha

dah tuh kite balik...

Now, I got to do my lesson plan. But i'm here updating my blog. hah.

P.S.: To that Prince of mine. I love you lah sey.

Alhamdulillah

2009-01-15T23:42:00.003+08:00

I felt the chills since yesterday. Been sleeping without the fan.
covered myself up with the quilt. Been falling sick often lately.
Had 7 ulcers in my mouth and had night fever. Since Saturday 20 Dec 2008. I was finally fine on Thurs and Fri. I got the fever again Saturday night. Then i was fine again Sunday. Went out with LoVeLy FiaNce. Then i started coughfing. Got worse. Then i lost my voice. And class was starting.
Alhamdulillah instaed of 1Jan, class started on 5 Jan 2009. By then my voice was getting better. But the cough was still there. Then I got the fever again on Saturday night; Until Sunday. I was fine on the following Monday. But since that Monday, i felt like floating for a split second every once in a while. Today is Thursday. I got the fever again. Pretty bad. Shaking like crazy under my quilt. Then i slept. Received a call from LoVeLy FiaNce with some great news; Alhamdulillah. Felt slightly better. A bit of the fever is gone. Dad made me eat the panadol anyway. Tomorrow is another day. Its already Fri. I hope i'll pull through tomorrow. This Saturday, class is starting again. In year 2 =) Come on Iqin! Perjuangkan! Venue changed.Good. Now i no longer have to change buses =DD But scary... Tingkat 5 kt Madrasah Aljunied. 2.30pm - 10pm. Takot lah seyy... Tingkat 5... Ouh no! But insyaAllah things will be fine. ku nih dah lah lemah semangat. heh

New Year

2009-01-11T00:03:00.002+08:00

It's new year.
While people are excited and happy about facing this new year, there are others who are not
at all thrilled.
I'm one of those.
Happy about my job alhamdulillah. Better in the sense of self consciousness.
Kalo company dulu ajak pi club, ajak makan makanan x halal, lelaki pompuan bebas bergaul,
alhamdulillah tugas baru nih x mcm tuh. InsyaAllah x akan...
Dulu keje mmg gaji alhamdulillah. tp hati x sedap. asyik2 pakse pi clubbing. kate company gathering. konon nk merapatkan bond antare pekerja lah...
peduli hape aku... sorilah... x layan...
tp tahun baru nih mcm x best lah.
terpakse terime a few news yang x berape nk menyedapkan hati.
tp nk buat mcm mane kan...
hidop berkongsi...
telan je lah.

The Only

2008-12-03T00:29:00.002+08:00

God is the only reason why I'm still going strong.
He said suicide is not the way. Never will be.
Hence... My living.
I'll live life like I have to.
All because i had too.
But thank you God for giving me time to regret my words.
Make me regret those words i just said.
Make me.
Please.

And more...

2008-12-02T02:31:00.004+08:00

PARANOIA--THE WORD
Paranoia is a term used by mental health specialists to describe suspiciousness (or mistrust) that is either highly exaggerated or not warranted at all. The word is often used in everyday conversation, often in anger, often incorrectly. Simple suspiciousness is not paranoia--not if it is based on past experience or expectations learned from the experience of others.
Paranoia can be mild and the affected person may function fairly well in society, or it can be so severe that the individual is incapacitated. Because many psychiatric disorders are accompanied by some paranoid features, diagnosis is sometimes difficult. Paranoias can be classified into three main categories--paranoid personality disorder, delusional (paranoid) disorder, and paranoid schizophrenia.

**read the example senario below**
PARANOID PERSONALITY DISORDER
-- Derek worked in a large office as a computer programmer. When another programmer received a promotion, Derek felt that the supervisor "had it in for him" and would never recognize his worth. He was sure that his co-workers were subtly downgrading him. Often he watched as others took coffee breaks together and imagined they spent this time talking about him. If he saw a group of people laughing, he knew they were laughing at him. He spent so much time brooding about the mistreatment he received that his work suffered and his supervisor told him he must improve or receive a poor performance rating. This action reinforced all Derek's suspicions, and he looked for and found a position in another large company. After a few weeks on his new job, he began to feel that others in the office didn't like him, excluded him from all conversations, made fun of him behind his back, and eroded his position. Derek has changed jobs six times in the last seven years. Derek has paranoid personality disorder.
Some people regularly become suspicious without cause--so much so that their paranoid thoughts disrupt their work and family life. Such people are said to have a paranoid personality.
**Oh God**

**And the following**
They are:
1) SUSPICIOUS
An unmistakable sign of paranoia is continual mistrust. People with paranoid personality disorder are constantly on their guard because they see the world as a threatening place. They tend to confirm their expectations by latching on to any speck of evidence that supports their suspicions and ignore or misinterpret any evidence to the contrary. They are ever watchful and may look around for signs of a threat.
Anyone in a new situation--beginning a job or starting a relationship, for example--is cautious and somewhat guarded until he or she learns that the fears are groundless. People suffering from paranoia cannot abandon their fears. They continue to expect trickery and to doubt the loyalty of others. In a personal relationship or marriage, this suspiciousness may take the form of pathological, unrealistic jealousy.
**Oh God, truly**

**And yet again...**
2) HYPERSENSITIVE.
Because persons with paranoid personality disorder are hyperalert, they notice any slight and may take offense where none is intended. As a result, they tend to be defensive and antagonistic. When they are at fault, they cannot accept blame, not even mild criticism. Yet they are highly critical of others. Other people may say that these individuals make "mountains out of molehills."
**Now God, really**

**Right, No. 3 relates only to a certain extend. So can i safely say i'm not paranoid?**
3) COLD AND ALOOF.
In addition to being argumentative and uncompromising, the people with paranoid personality disorder are often emotionally cut off from other people. They appear cold and, in fact, often avoid becoming intimate with others. They pride themselves on their rationality and objectivity. People with a paranoid outlook on life rarely come to the attention of clinicians--it is not in their nature to seek help. Many presumably function competently in society. They may seek out social niches in which a moralistic and punitive style is acceptable, or at least tolerated to a certain degree.
**Is this hope?**
**You can don't read the rest of the post. The important part ends here.** :)

DELUSIONAL (PARANOID) DISORDER
Psychiatrists make a distinction between the milder paranoid personality disorder described above and the more debilitating delusional (paranoid) disorder. The hallmark of this disorder is the presence of a persistent, nonbizarre delusion without symptoms of any other mental disorder.
Delusions are firmly held beliefs that are untrue, not shared by others in the culture, and not easily modifiable. Five delusional themes are frequently seen in delusional disorder. In some individuals, more than one of them is present.
-- Ruth is a clerk typist who is efficient and helpful. Her employers and co-workers value her contribution to the office. But Ruth spends her evenings writing letters to State and Federal officials. She feels that God has opened her mind and given her the cure for cancer. She wants some leading treatment center to use her cure on all its patients so that the world can see she is right. Many of her letters go unanswered, or she receives noncommittal replies that only make her feel that no one understands that she can save all cancer patients if only given the chance. When one of her letters is answered by an employee of the official to whom she wrote, she is sure that the official is being deliberately kept unaware of her knowledge and power. Sometimes she despairs that the world will ever know how wonderful she is, but she doesn't give up. She just keeps writing. Ruth suffers from one of the delusional disorders, grandiose delusion.
The most common delusion in delusional disorder is that of persecution. While persons with paranoid personality might suspect their colleagues of joking at their expense, persons with delusional disorder may suspect others of participating in elaborate master plots to persecute them. They believe that they are being poisoned, drugged, spied upon, or are the targets of conspiracies to ruin their reputations or even to kill them. They sometimes engage in litigation in an attempt to redress imagined injustices.
Another theme seen frequently is that of delusional jealousy. Any sign--even a meaningless spot on clothing, or a short delay in arriving home--is summoned up as evidence that a spouse is being unfaithful.
Erotic delusions are based on the belief that one is romantically loved by another, usually someone of higher status or a well-known public figure. Individuals with erotic delusions often harass famous persons through numerous letters, telephone calls, visits, and stealthy surveillance.
Persons with grandiose delusions often feel that they have been endowed with special powers and that, if allowed to exercise these powers, they could cure diseases, banish poverty, ensure world peace,or perform other extraordinary feats.
Individuals with somatic delusions are convinced that there is something very wrong with their bodies--that they emit foul odors, have bugs crawling in or on their bodies, or are misshapen and ugly. Because of these delusions, they tend to avoid the society of other people and spend much time consulting physicians for their imagined condition.
Whether or not persons with delusional disorder are dangerous to others has not been systematically investigated, but clinical experience suggests that such persons are rarely homicidal. Delusional patients are commonly angry people, and thus they are perceived as threatening. In the rare instances when individuals with delusional disorder do become violent, their victims are usually people who unwittingly fit into their delusional scheme. The person in most danger from an individual with delusional disorder is a spouse or lover.
PARANOID SCHIZOPHRENIA
-- Steven had not liked high school very much and was glad to graduate and get a job. But when he realized he needed more education to reach his goals, he applied for admission into a nearby college. He rented a house with several other young men and did well in his studies. Near the end of his second year, Steven stopped eating with the others and ate only food directly out of a can so he could be sure it wasn't poisoned. When he crossed the campus, he tried to avoid girls as he felt they shot poisoned webs at him that encompassed his body like a giant spider web. When he began to feel that his housemates had put poisoned gas in his room, he dropped out of school and returned home. He cleaned up his room at home and put a lock on the door so his parents could not enter it and contaminate it. He bought a small electric hot plate and prepared all his own food. If his mother urged him to eat a meal with the family, he accused her of wanting to poison him. His parents finally were able to convince him to see a psychiatrist who diagnosed "schizophrenia, subtype paranoia." With medication, individual and group therapy, Steven has improved enough to work in an office under the supervision of an understanding and supportive employer.
Paranoid thinking and behavior are hallmarks of the form of schizophrenia called "paranoid schizophrenia." Individuals with paranoid schizophrenia commonly have extremely bizarre delusions or hallucinations, almost always on a specific theme. Sometimes they hear voices that others cannot hear or believe that their thoughts are being controlled or broadcast aloud. Also, their performance at home and on the job deteriorates, often with a much diminished degree of emotional expressiveness.
In contrast, people with relatively milder paranoid disorders may have such symptoms as delusions of persecution or delusional jealousy, but not the prominent hallucinations or impossible, bizarre delusions of paranoid schizophrenia. Those with milder paranoid disorders are customarily able to work, and their emotional expression and behavior are appropriate to their delusional belief. Apart from their delusions, their thinking remains clear and orderly. On the other hand, those with paranoid schizophrenia are often intellectually disorganized and confused.
CAUSES OF PARANOIA
Genetic Contribution
Little research has been done on the role of heredity in causing paranoia. Scientists have found that the families of paranoid patients do not have higher than normal rates of either schizophrenia or depression. However, there is some evidence that paranoid symptoms in schizophrenia may be genetically influenced. Some studies have shown that when one twin of a pair of identical twins with schizophrenia has paranoid symptoms, the other twin usually does also. And, recent research has suggested that paranoid disorders are significantly more common in relatives of persons with schizophrenia than in the general population. Whether paranoid disorder--or a predisposition to it--is inherited is not yet known.
Biochemistry
The discovery that psychosis (a state in which the individual is out of touch with reality) is treatable with antipsychotic drugs has led scientists to look for the origins of severe mental disorders in abnormal brain chemistry. The search has become very complex, as more and more of the chemical substances that carry messages from one nerve cell to another--the neurotransmitters--have been discovered. So far, no clear-cut answers have been found. As with the genetic studies, biochemical studies have not examined paranoia except as a subtype of schizophrenia. There is, however, limited evidence that paranoid schizophrenia is biochemically distinct from nonparanoid forms of the disorder.
Abuse of drugs such as amphetamines, cocaine, marijuana, PCP, LSD, or other stimulants or "psychedelic" compounds may lead to symptoms of paranoid thinking or behavior. Patients with major mental disorders like paranoid schizophrenia may have their symptoms become worse under the influence of these drugs. Scientists are studying the biochemical actions of such drugs to determine how they produce their behavioral effects. This may help us to learn more about the neurochemistry of paranoid disorders, which is poorly understood at this time.
Stress
Some scientists believe paranoia may be a reaction to high levels of life stress. Lending support to this opinion is the evidence that paranoia is more prevalent among immigrants, prisoners of war, and others undergoing severe stress. Sometimes, when thrust into a new and highly stressful situation, people suffer an acute form--called "acute paranoia"--in which delusions develop over a short period of time and last only a few months.
Some studies indicate that paranoia has become more prevalent in the twentieth century. The connection between stress and paranoia does not, of course, rule out other contributing factors. A genetic defect, a brain abnormality, an information-processing disability--or all three--could predispose a person to paranoia; stress may merely act as a trigger.
TREATMENT OF PARANOIA
Paranoid people's mistrustfulness makes treatment of the condition difficult. Rarely will they talk casually in an interview. They are suspicious of the kind of open-ended questions many therapists rely on to learn about the patient's history (for example, "Tell me about your relationships with your co-workers."). They may try to avoid hospitalization and drugs, fearing a loss of control or other real or imagined dangers.
Drug Treatment
Treatment with appropriate antipsychotic drugs may help the paranoid patient overcome some symptoms. Although the patient's functioning may be improved, the paranoid symptoms often remain intact. Some studies indicate that symptoms improve following drug treatment, but the same results sometimes occur among patients who receive a placebo, a "sugar pill" without active ingredients. This finding suggests that in some cases the paranoia diminishes for psychological reasons rather than because of the drug's action. Paranoid patients receiving medication must be closely monitored. Their fearfulness and persecutory delusions often lead them to refuse or sabotage treatment--for example, by holding the drug in their cheek until they are alone and then spitting it out.
Psychotherapy
Reports on individual cases suggest that the regular opportunity to express suspicions and self-doubts afforded by psychotherapy can help the paranoid patient function in the community. Although paranoid ideas do seem to persist, they may be less disruptive. Other types of psychotherapy that have reportedly led to improved social functioning without appreciably diminishing paranoid delusions are art therapy, family therapy, and group therapy.
OUTLOOK FOR PARANOID PATIENTS
In spite of the treatment difficulties, patients with a paranoid disorder may function quite well. Even though their paranoid views are apparently unshakable, various treatments appear effective in improving social functioning, so that they do not often require lengthy hospitalization. The symptoms are less bizarre than those associated with paranoid schizophrenia. Also, the paranoid disorders seem to cause less disorganization of the personality and disruptions in social and family life. Unlike schizophrenia, which can become progressively worse, paranoid disorder seems to reach a certain level of severity and stay there.
FOR FURTHER INFORMATION
Kendler, K.S.; Spitzer, R.L.; and Williams, J.B.W. Psychotic disorders in DSM-III-R. The American Journal of Psychiatry 146:953-962, 1989.
Munro, A. Delusional (paranoid) disorders. Canadian Journal of Psychiatry Vol. 33(5):399-404, 1988.
Opjordsmoen, S. Long-term course and outcome in delusional disorder. Acta Psychiatrica Scandinavica Vol. 78(5):576-586, 1988. Schizophrenia Bulletin Vol 7, No. 4, 1981 (available in most medical libraries).
Sorensen, D.J.; Paul, G.L.; and Mariotto, M.J. Inconsistencies in paranoid functioning, premorbid adjustment, and chronicity: Question of diagnostic criteria. Schizophrenia Bulletin Vol. 14(2):323-336, 1988.
Williams, J.G. Cognitive intervention for a paranoid personality disorder. Psychotherapy Vol. 25(4):570-575, 1988.
This booklet was produced by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), the U.S. Government agency that supports and conducts research to improve the diagnosis, treatment, and prevention of mental illness. NIMH-supported studies alleviate suffering and bring hope to people who have a mental disorder, to those who are at risk of developing one, and to their families, friends and coworkers. Thus mental health research benefits millions of Americans and reduces the burden that mental disorders impose on society as a whole. NIMH is part of the National Institutes of Health, a component of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
Director
National Institute of Mental Health
All material appearing in this volume is in the public domain and may be reproduced or copied without permission from the Institute. Citation of the source is appreciated.
Acknowledgments
This brochure was revised by Margaret Strock, staff member in the Office of Scientific Information, National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). An earlier version was done under contract for NIMH by Wray Herbert. Expert assistance was provided by David Shore, M.D., David Pickar, M.D., and Darryl G. Kirch, M.D., NIMH staff members. Their help in assuring the accuracy of this pamphlet is gratefully acknowledged.
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
Public Health Service
National Institutes of Health
National Institute of Mental Health
DHHS Publication No. (ADM) 89-1495
Printed 1987 -™ÌQ*ised 1989

erk

2008-12-02T02:25:00.001+08:00

Paranoia is a disturbed thought process characterized by excessive anxiety or fear, often to the point of irrationality and delusion. Paranoid thinking typically includes persecutory beliefs concerning a perceived threat towards oneself. In the original Greek, παράνοια (paranoia) simply means madness (para = outside; nous = mind). Historically, this characterization was used to describe any delusional state.
Sometimes in common usage, the term paranoia is misused to describe a phobia. For example, a person may not want to fly out of fear the plane may crash. This does not in itself indicate paranoia, but rather a phobia. The lack of blame in this case usually points to the latter. An example of paranoia, however, would be fear that the pilot is an alcoholic with no evidence to suggest such, and would crash the plane as a result of this.
A November 2008 study by Cambridge alumnus Dr. Daniel Freeman, Ph.D., D.Cl.Psy., of the Institute of Psychiatry at the hospital of King's College, London, suggests that paranoia is much more widely experienced- by about 1 in 5 Londoners. (wikipedia)

Oh God.

2008-12-01T00:47:00.001+08:00

Melaka was great =D
nk post gamba mcm x sempat. heh
nnti lah ehk.
went to mini malaysia to complete those houses i didn't get to go to the last time.
then walked around tesco.
What did i buy back from Melaka?
a Comb...
Thanks LoVeLy FiaNce. hehehhehe

hmm...

2008-11-30T01:33:00.002+08:00

Well, let's see.
Its good when you know for yourself
that you are so ready to be with someone
that you simply wouldn't budge.

Hmm... This is a perfect practice for us =D
Just the thing we need to spice up our relationship
even more :)

Well, to tell you the truth, whatever happens before
would be the most stupid reason i have to leave him.
Really.
Anyone can come to me now to say you **hanky-pankied** with him before
donkey years ago and i wouldn't even care.
hehehehehe
But i doubt an outsider would tell me. Although . . .(kompom sume curious nak tau what '. . .' means kan...hahahahha saje nak tambah rempah... jeng jeng jeng)
Because its not just his reputation, it'll be her own reputation too.
**wink**
Even if that happened before, so what?
It'll all be in the past. Past. PAST.

And anyway, one do not hang on to things for too long.
**GET OVER IT ALREADY LAHHH**
We all have such experinces before. but we move on.
We always do. As if only you have ever been in a relationship lorr...

But i kinda miss these things to be honest.
These things about people poking their noses into your relationship.
ITS SO LAST SEASON.
Secondary-ish...
Teenager-ish...
It makes me feel young once again! =D hehehhe
Thank God, I never felt this good (well, besides the day i got engaged that is). :)
These things happened only during the secondary school days.
Those were the days when not only schoolmates would want to know things,
even the teachers would want to be updated.
I never expected this would still happen today when i thought we would have outgrown
that era. But its good spices. Keep it going.
It happened to just make our relationship stronger.
Something nice to laugh about :)

I'm not surprised if the story gets much worse than this.
People will go to any extent to get your relationship off.
But you see, it's an old trick.
It has been used since forever.
You are talking to someone who lived after she died.
But really.
Thank you so much for making this relationship too interesting
for us to resist. =D

2008-11-29T00:08:00.004+08:00

Hmm... Favourite photos...
finally got internet at home...
So now can happily post! =D
Photos for 2008...
x lama dah 2009 kan kan kan...
nih gamba belen2 tahun nih lah kire...

Kami di Hari Raye... Keluargaku <3<3<3

Me and LOveLy FiaNce... Sweet kan sedondon... hehe **wink2 to mummy**
Tgk lah sape pilihkan kain... Tahun depan nk colour ape eh love? **tweet2**

You are missed.

2008-11-23T01:12:00.002+08:00

Detik yang hilang,
Mana mungkin ia kembali
Perjalanan terus tiada terhenti
Siang dan malam silih berganti

Detik yang hilang,
Ia menyaksikan beribu rasa
Merai gembira
Berkongsi duka

Detik yang hilang,
Itulah detik yang kian hilang
Teringin bersua namun...

While listening to the radio I just felt like blogging. About things.
Whhatever lah... dot dot dot... and then last nite sweet FiaNce came over
to finish teaching me for my exam. Last 2 papers for this year.
Usul Fiqh and Bahasa Arab. Can't wait for holidays. FiaNce teach very fierce lorr...
hahahhahahha...But good lahh. Otherwise I'll keep fooling around. hehehehhe
Moreover he was tired from work. So lagi fierce lorr... hehehehhe
But thank you for the effort you made, Love. =D
those notes.Thank you so much =*

2008-11-20T14:43:00.001+08:00

And so now my fiance has got a new name yet again. Dyn Norahim.
Oh well... :-S
you r still my fiance anyway...

2008-11-19T17:11:00.000+08:00

Bodohnye aku... hahaha
ouh well... nasib uh jadi bodoh. nak buat mcm mane.
aku kan mmg class bawah. class kene bodoh2 ngan org.
pijak uh lagi. pijak sampai mati.

For goodness sake.

2008-09-30T10:23:00.005+08:00

The previous post was for different personals who are not feeling too good lately.
Not for YOU-KNOW-WHO lah k.
Haiya... What utter nonsense.
Namely, i have a friend who's dying for a job right now n worrying what if the job don't pay well. He has future plans but haven't found a job yet.
And i have a cuzzy who's complaining how come his cash flow doesn't come so well when another cuzzy's cash flow is coming good although he doesn't seem like he's doing anything; And yet another cuzzy's going good also although she keeps doing stupid things. fast cash.
Then i have a brother who finds joy in doing stupid things and complaining about going to classes n complete his tahfiz course.
there. i've said it. and so much for planning not to name anybody. shit.

Hanya dari pengamatan...

2008-09-29T09:17:00.001+08:00

Its funny how people complain about having to do a good deed and instead, enjoy doing something else. Macam-macam jenis orang ade. kat sini is just a few yang di'observe'. General lah... takde tuding jari kat sape-sape pon... Kalo ade yang terasa saye mintak maaf lah ye...

Benda yang sia-sia memang selalunye nampak menarik. Menarik dari segi pergaulan, hiburan, bayaran, dot dot dot.
Kemewahan yang bakal dirasa dari melakukan benda yang sia-sia memang nampak terserlah. Tapi sayang, itu kemewahan yang sementara.

Sebaliknya pula, benda yang baik dan bermanfaat tuh kurang dapat sambutan. Sebab kemewahan yang bakal dirasa di akhirat itu tak jelas. Biasalah human... To see is to believe. Tapi tak jelas bukan bermaksud takkan dapat. Memang nampak slow je... rezeki masok pon nampak slow je. Padehal nikmat tuh ade. cume orang yang ikhlas melakukan je dapat merasakan. kalo diamati pon sebenarnya buat benda baik nih nikmat kat dunia pon ade. cume tak perasan. rezeki tuh sentiasa mendatang. But biasalah manusia nih kalo disogok dgn kemewahan instant and clear, die lebih nk buat yg instant.

Ade pulak jenis orang yang kononnye nak zuhud. Zuhud sampai papa kedana. Nih lagi satu hal punya orang. Kalo sampai papa tuh bukan zuhud... Tuh bodoh namanya...
Fikir takde duit boleh hidop ke? Orang kate dunia nk akhirat pon nk jugak... Usaha untuk hidop tuh memang lah kene... Duit bukan jatoh dari pokok. Tapi...

Nak dipendekkan cerita, berpada-padalah mencari kekayaan dunia sbb the ultimate goal is to get keberkatan walaupun harta tuh tak sebanyak yag diimpikan. Jangan sampai khayal dengan dunia. Jangan sampai tertipu dengan kemewahan dunia. Sbb kalo harta sikit tp berkat, insyaAllah you'll get the best of life. Tuhan tak zalim lahhh.....

P.S. Semua wanita yang nak settle down impikan lelaki yang sholleh agar dapat mendidik dan membimbing. Bukan lelaki kaya raya. Harta tuh bonus...

helpless.

2008-09-25T13:32:00.000+08:00

You know that feeling of being helpless?
I just feel helpless and stupid not being able to do anything.
Where is this whole thing leading to?
What's becoming of me?
What do i really want in life?
You can't have everything in life but there must
be something that you can?
It's not like you can't have anything?
So many questions yet i don't have a single answer to those.
Willing. Most willing. But why?
Am i really becoming dumb?
How come i let anything bother me?
Would i see happiness at the end of the line?
Where is this going?
How will everything be?
Hopeless. Helpless. Stupid. Dumbfounded.
And worse, not being able to do anything about it.
Hah. Nur Sdadiqin Binte Mohd Fuad, you are hereby certified to be
a dumbass. Thank you.

Ya Allah...

2008-09-25T08:49:00.000+08:00

Ya Allah... Ku cinta dia.

Thank You Allah. mcm yg title lagu tuh.

2008-09-19T11:15:00.000+08:00

P.S. This post has got nothing to do with anyone. Just about my gratitude
towards God that i want to share with you readers.
May it bring all of us closer to Our Creator.
InsyaAllah.

I thank God for being there for me always.
Be it in hours, days, months, years, You always show the truth to me.

Always.

Sometimes even on the spot. The most Glorious and All-Knowing.
I always tell myself God will not put unto us somethng beyond what we
can take. But why do I feel so weak now?
Sometimes i do things i shouldn't.
Sometimes i think things i shouldn't.
And i thought: God, why wouldn't you just take me away so I wouldn't
have to keep making the wrong choices?
Or make any choices for that matter?
Astaghfirullah. I was too blind to see the love He have for me.
Was. It comforts me to know that God is always there for us.
Eventhough we always fail to turn to Him, He kept being there.

Now let me tell you a story of John and Jane...
'John skidded against a tree on the road and survived.
Jane was sad and blamed God. She thought God shouldn't put John in such pain
Cos Jane loved John. And John said that incident made
him cherish Jane more; And it made Jane felt even more
that the incident was a mishap that shouldn't have happened
to sweet John. Soon, John forgot how things were right after the incident.
He started to take it for granted again
that he lived to see Jane. Months passed and God decided the truth must
be prevailed. The truth of what happened just before the incident.
And Jane regreted having blamed God.'

So you see, God has his reasons for doing things. Nothing's ever a waste.
Nothing happens for no reason. And he will always show the truth to you
where you least expect it.
Almighty God is ever fair.
Al Mu'min. Al Muhaymin. Al Ghaffar. Al 'Alim. Al'Adl. Al Mujib.

A loves B. A loves B not.

2008-09-16T09:17:00.000+08:00

A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not.A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. A loves B. A loves B not. So does A love B?

On a happier note.

2008-09-15T17:56:00.002+08:00

Went to Geylang again on Saturday.
And Sodiqin Her's wearing GOLD jewellery this Raya.
Oh man...
Well, we were at Joo Chiat Complex when mum said it again for the millionth
time. She wants to get me some gold jewellery to wear. Not white gold but those yellow once.
She wanted to get me those since my secondary school days but i refused.
Yellow gold is so makchix lahh... hahahha
So we end up making a bet.
There's this babe at Golden Chance that mum and dad insisted looking like me. Or maybe i look like her? Or... haiyah both oso same what. she look like me, i look like her; not same mehh?
Anyway i started to check her out since a few weeks back oredi lahh. But i only got to see her through the glass windows. I can't possibly walk in the shop and stare at her mahh... So all i did was stole some glances lahhh... hahahhha... And she's always with some customer. I never thought i'll ever get to talk to her since i'm not a big fan of jewellery. So on Saturday, we made a bet. I told her not to get the jewellery from Joo Chiat Complex. We'll go to Golden Chance at Tanjong Katong Complex, and if my 'twin' sis is the one who serve us, then i'll buy it. If she happens to be attanding to a customer when we walk in, we'll forget the whole thing. alamak boss come. later i continue

Con't...
Then we made our way to Golden Chance. She's free.
hahhaha.
So that's how i got my jewellery.
Plus, I finally got to speak to her! wee~
And then we exchanged numbers. Tee hee.
There, And that's how i found my sister. hahhahaha.

Next on list.
And so my fiance has many nick names.
Sodiqin, Iqin, Iqen, Qin, Qin Norahim, Ahmad blah blah blah.
But i still like Ahmad Sodiqin Bin Norahim best.
Oh well.
So long as the charachter doesn't split, I will hold on.
May God be with us.
You're my very-soon-to-be husband.
So we'll make it.
You must be very proud of your new-found name QIN NORAHIM.
I hope you get to persuit your dreams; And be happy.
All the best dear.
May God help and guide us.
Ahmad Sodiqin Norahim and Nur Sodiqin Mohd Fuad. Till the end of time.

Should have just kept my big mouth shut...

2008-08-28T15:11:00.004+08:00

Let's get bitchy for a while.
Really...
Should have just kept my big mouth shut lorr...
What are friends for? I was just concerned for my dear new friend.
Then again maybe thats why lahh. New friendship mahh.
You don't know what your friend's view regarding friendship is.
To hide the truth; Macam salah. To tell the truth; Also salah.
How?
I was damn concerned about you lah frienddd...
Then again, maybe i should have chosen to just shut up, pretend i don't know the person, and
let you have a taste of it yourself lorr.
But maybe i got pissed that he said he knew my LoVeLy fiAnCe lahh.
So many people say they know my fiance but I don't mind. But why i
got pissed when He said so uh? Shit lorr. No need to get pissed what?
Ex girlfriend see him and talk to him also I'm not pissed how come i get pissed by him uh?
Haiyo... crazy lorr...
Anyway i learnt something lahh.
Next time your friend wants to get involved with somebody you vulgarly know,
LET IT BE.
Don't try to be that fucking smart alec good friend and try to be a saviour lorr.
That's Superman's job.
Anyway, like i said before, and i'll say it again: as long as you guys can make each other happy, I'm fine.
Happy for you lorr.
Now some changes to what i said before:
> If he ever try something stupid on you, he's a dead man
to this...
> Do whatever you guys want lorr. You want to hurt him or he wants to hurt you, that's none of my beeswax lorr. Go and hurt each other lahh for all i care
Ahh, that sounds more like it.
Now, someone tell me.
How the hell to be a good friend?
WTH lorr...
Nuff said.

Hi

2008-08-15T23:43:00.000+08:00

Finally i get to blog. So it has been 3 months and a half
working with what used to be known as
Ong & Ong Architects Pte Ltd.
Recently, it has changed to
Ong & Ong Design and Build Pte Ltd.
Why?
Because they say its stereotyping this
company to be solely for the architects.
Then again, that's not quite important at this point of time.
I'm having my exam this Saturday and i haven't quite got a
grip of what i had studied last night with my Guru Fiance.
Like hell yeah...
haha.
Its his favourite subject back in school; Hence, the spirit of teaching.
Hur hur.

Now let's talk about work.
It has been great here. From zero to one-day-will-be-hero.
Well, although i had been studying in this same line in school,
the softwares used are not those i learnt.
Therefore i had to start amost from scratch here.
Thank God i've got such nice and supportive couleagues(However you spell that; haha)
here. I have so many gurus here :).
The first few days i was here was a nerve wrecking experience.
Everybody was so fluent in the softwares they use
and i only know how to draw a single line.
But i know i'm quite a fast learner.
Egos aside, i turned and asked a neighbour to teach.
:)
Then i got to know there is an ex professor in the house!
So, I got him to teach me for the next hour or so.
And, TADAAA~
So its not that difficult huh.
haha.
Just need to memories shortcuts ;)
Nice.
Now, I can do it !!!!!!!!!!!! hehehhhehehehhhh.
Alhamdulillah.

A friend got married recently.
Congrats to Azhar Toha and Nur Hidayati :)
Semoga berkekalan dan berbahgia. Amiin.

Acted in 8-mins with LoVeLy FiaNce :D
With a few others actually but point is, it was fun doing
an activity with LoVeLy FiaNce.

*accounted not in a chronological order. (I just typed whatever that comes to mind)

I think i need couselling. No, I'm not mad.
But still I think i need counselling.
Something, Somewhere, is somewhat not right.

Oh Allah, Give me strength.

2008-07-23T05:12:00.000+08:00

I will hold on till my wits end.
Its worth giving a try.
I shall leave no rooms for regrets.
Stubborn as a bull.
Deaf as a kuali... haha.
Still got time to joke.
I will keep striving.
Nothing's a waste.
Nothing can bring me down apart from Allah.
Oh Allah, give me strength and wisdom.
I keep telling myself: 'Do right, God WILL help.'
Insyaallah.
Insyaallah.
Insyaallah.

Cover up

2008-05-28T23:35:00.000+08:00

Cover up gals. Those moles on ur chests. Sh*t.
I can't help staring. This is so-o wrong. Help me out here babes.
Its not supposed to be. But Y?
You cover it up, and i wunt be able to see it.
I have to kick out of this habit very soon.
Dang. I can't seem to break away from this.
Oh well, like i keep telling myself. I'm just looking.
Hey, don't you check out pretty hot babes? Sure you do.
I do too. But that's that. All i do is stare. Right?
You show, I watch.
haha

OH WELL

2008-05-15T06:46:00.000+08:00

LIAR. BLOODY SWEET-TALKER.

Is this good or bad?

2008-05-14T05:33:00.000+08:00

Is it a good sign or is it a bad one? I don't know.
Why is it reading about his past doesn't seem to bother me at all?
Reading those posts, looking at those photos, hearing all those stories...
Even seeing him having a chat with an oldie under my nose;
Somehow i'm fine with all those. Hmm... Can someone tell me if this is normal?
Am i supposed to be jealous or blow my top or the like? Am i?
Cos if so, it means that there's something wrong with me. Haha...
I seem to be able to accept his past very well.
I hope this helps us :)

Apapejelah

2008-04-25T03:14:00.000+08:00

Haiz... Kekadang kesian aku tengok orang-orang yang rase cerite dorang x cukop best. Sebab tuh sebok sgt nk tau cerite kite. Yelah, cerite sendiri kan x interesting. Cerite orang laen best. Macam drama yang kat TV tuh. Tak payah lah susah-susah nak pergi amek tau cerite kite. Ape manfaat yang kau boleh dapat? Sia-sia je nanti. Anyway nampaknye kau pon mmg dah tau cerite lame die. Aku pon dah tau. So what? Cume kau maseh x puas sebab kau x tau cerite lama aku kan? haha. Kire cerite yang ade dalam tangan kau x complete lah kan? haha. Kesian aku tengok.

Tak payah lah amek tau k. Yang perlu kau tau, aku Nur Sodiqin dengan dia, Ahmad Sodiqin, happy bersama. Apa pun orang cakap kt kite x akan mendatangkan ape2 masalah atau mudharat pade kite. Sbb kite x akan dengar semua mende merapek tuh. Eh salah. Kite akan dengar, cume x akan buat ape2 tindak balas lah... haha

Wednesday and Today

2008-03-20T04:06:00.000+08:00

And he said ‘I love you’ – 12:04pm

I didn’t get to update on Wednesday due to not getting the internet connection. So let me first update about Wednesday. 8pm and we were at Swensens, Thomson Plaza waiting for Lovely Fiancé’s family. There three occasions as to why we were there:
1- My brother, Muhammad Sdadiq’s, Birthday
2- Lovely Fiancé’s third sister, Nur Faezah’s, Birthday
3- Farewell for Lovely Fiancé’s second Sister, Nur Suriani.
We had a great dinner with so much smiles and laughter J
Then Lovely Fiancé drove us home before driving his home.

Now, let’s talk about today. No no. What I’m thinking and feeling now to be exact.
All I ever hoped for is a simple life; A sweet, simple lifestyle.
Waking up early dawn for dawn prayers with dearest husband. Making coffee for dearest while he has his morning bath and preparing to go to work. Watch him off to work at 8.30am and expecting his return at 6.30 in the evening. Meanwhile, I’ll be home doing all the chores like all mothers do. Cooking for dearest husband and counting the seconds he’ll be back home flushed and hungry. And everyday is a routine.

I’ve always hoped for a man with the nine-to-five job. Something like an office worker; Just a normal office worker. I hated celebrity lifestyle for as long as I’ve known. That’s the reason why I’ve never bothered about what they artiste do, say or what other’s say about them. I can’t even be bothered to memorise all their names or learn about what achievements they ever made; What more, be in the limelight like them. Why? Because then, everyone starts to make an ‘F’ing big fuss about every single Sh*t that we do. And I hate that.

Sadly (I do not know why I’m using the word ‘sadly’ because I don’t think it’s a sad thing), I’m not one with a great ambition. I’m not one hoping to be a millionaire some day. I’ve never dreamt of having millions for me to spend. In fact, I’ve never even thought about it. So, if you are looking for a successful career woman with great ambitions of wanting to lead a glamorous, filthy rich life; you have found the wrong woman of your life. It’s about time you find someone else.

But if you still choose to live with me, and sticking to your ambition, then, I’d stay. I’d just do everything as a responsibility. And when the world knows you someday, I’m not going to have anything to do with it. I’ll cheer for you when you are alone with me. I’d cheer for you from home whenever I see or hear news of you. But I’ll never show the world that I exist in your life. It’s what you want, and I’ll support you in what you are doing. I’ll pray for your success. But I just don’t want anyone else to bother our life. But when this happens, they’ll bother your life but I’ll never let them bother mine. Hence, I wouldn’t show the world that I’m yours. Please dear, when you become famous someday, you don’t have to introduce me into your world of celeb. I don’t want to be known. I just want to lead a quiet, simple life. Every time you do something, all you have to know is that you have a wife supporting you back home. When I’m never out there in physical with you, please don’t feel that I’m not happy for you. I’ll be. I just never want to be in your limelight.

All I want is a sweet, simple and quiet life. It doesn’t matter if everyday is a routine without anything new or exiting. Only then, everyday and every moment with you would be a sweet one. But if I’m not getting this, then I’ll just be happy for you. It seems that it’s not going to happen. I know you have a great ambition. Your definition of successful is getting all the money in the world and able to provide me with everything that I want but my definition of successful is achieving the bittersweet life for my family. I know you are capable of getting a lot of money with your hardworking and ambitious attitude. With this, you have reached half of the success that you want. But able to provide me with what I want? I know will be able to buy me what I want; but what about those things that money can’t buy? If you can’t provide me with those, is that success for you? If I’m able to make you happy with the homely affairs, that’s success for me. But if you want me to be as ambitious and *successful (*Successful in your terms) as you are, then I’ll fail. I’ll fail even without trying because I’ll never even want to try. But then again, it’s okay. I’d just smile when I see you smile. I’ll show you I’m happy whenever you are. And I’d comfort you when I see you down. It’s okay if I don’t get what I hope for. It’s okay not to achieve my dreams. It’s said that a relationship needs sacrifices. So who cares what I feel. And you don’t have to. P.S I love you.

hmm

2008-03-10T15:55:00.000+08:00

The moment i log in, i forgot what to update about.
DANG...
Oh well... We shall wait till Wednesday for my update; If i get the internet connection that is.
Till then, bye.

I Wanna Tell You So...

2008-02-01T12:14:00.000+08:00

Baby, this is for you.
I wanna say that i love you no matter what the world says.
I wanna keep telling you that i love you. Just don't get tired
listening.

What if,
Just 'What if'
I'm saying this 'What if' i wake up one day not being able to say I Love You
anymore? Would you miss me saying that I Love You? Would you still be
standing beside me? Would you?
I Love You. I won't stop saying that I Love You for as long as i can.
I wanna keep being able to tell you that I Love You. Everyday.
I don't wanna wake up knowing that i can no longer say that to you.
I'm scared.
For once, I really am.
Should that happens, would you still stand by me?
Would you?
For now, i just wanns tell you that I Love You.

2008-01-24T15:37:00.000+08:00

Gosh Baby, aren't you sweet :)

You are so full of surprises **wink**

Today, i was busy completing my paper works for

tomorrow's submission. Then at 3pm plus LOvELy fiANcE

called me. He said that he had to

go off to Singapore Expo after

work for a meeting. So I kinda guessed

that i wouldn't be seeing him today.

Then a while later he called again.

And he was like: 'I'm downstairs.'

Well, i just laughed. haha.

Yeah rite.

But i still looked out of the window anyway.

heh. Ooops.

Then i saw you alighting from a cab.

Gosh!

I LOVE YOU DEAR.

hehe.

For REAL?!

haha.

Yeah it was.

You made my day baby.

I love surprises. :)

Whatever

2008-01-04T00:06:00.000+08:00

Dream weddings only occur in dreams...

Menyingkap kembali sejarah pertalian kita...

2007-12-24T03:53:00.000+08:00

I don't often remember dates.
But memories stays in my heart forever.
This was during Qurban 1427H. Today was the first that i finally saw who 'Ustadz Ahmad Sodiqin' was. His name was often mentioned during our youth meets but i've never got the chance to see who he was. This day was the day i finally saw him. I was at the admin table during the first half of the day with Kak Yati. That was when he walked past wearing a rather shining maroon punjab. That look. i can't forget that look. (Uh-oh... I smell trouble.Oh boy... We're gonna have a lot of rouble working together). He didn't seem to like me at all. And i'm not prepared to give in just yet. So yeah... And i said to myself: Just don't start, cos as long as you dont, i wouldn't. And the rest of the day went well... And then, we have hijrah walk. I was one of the comm members for this event. Hence, a chance to speak to him.
This was the first i approached and spoke to him - 'You give your speech first, then we'll do the
groupings and then we can do the warm up already...'
'Ahh... K.' He replied.
Hmm... That was not so bad... :) Thumbs up!
I was also the medic on bicycles. I brought my dad along. That was when he shook hands with my dad and commented on my bike: Lawa bicycle...
'Eh biase jugak...' heh
Then we went our own seperate ways.

Not long after, he started to sit in our youth meets and he said he wanted to start a nasyid there. This is great. I've been wanting to start one but we had other activities to look into. So it was put on hold. until he brought it up again. So they got me t o assist him in this since i know the youth there better than he does sinde his new. I took charge og the ladies while Abg Rizal took charge og the guys. Then we had our first nasyid meet.

Our first show was up for Maulid.

We had fun. Lots of fun... ;)
Hmm... We, him and me, got into quite a few grudges during the trainings though. But heck... haha...Then we started to chat on MSN for nasyid stuff. That was how our conversations started. After the maulid's show, we had a retreat session. He treated us to Zam Zam.
We ordered a whole load of food and poor him had to pay everything... wakakkaka... I got us to thank him together. on purpose. haha. "1 2 3 THANK YOU USTADZ AHMAD SODIQIN!!!" hahahaha... that was funny. He was like blushing.

Then we had a meet for our future shows. At first it was planned to be at Ubin. But i refused to go out of this island.In the end, we went to East Coast Park. By this time, we were quite good friends. The rest went off to ECP in the morning. My Brother and me met up with him after his work outside the mosque and we went to ECP together by bus.He wore brown! i was in brown to! Coincidently... hehe. Strange. Brown is not quite a commen colour? Anyway Bus 76. The first bus ride we had together. But then i refused to sit next to him. So i sat behind while he played on his PSP. Left is my first shot of him. (stolen shot) hehex. Occasional remarks. We over shot the stop, and had to wlk to the venue. A long walk, a long chat. Perempuan dgn baju... laen kan? kite je lah paham... hehex. We finally reached and all eyes were on us. Like i said before, there was nothing between us. The colour code was a coincident. I was busy playing with the rest of the youth, while my brother sat keeping him company. Well, they both aren't quite familiar with the rest of us hence they clicked well. Then we went out together for the first time. You called my dad to ask me out. ;) i reached and saw you behind the AMK MRT station doing you-know-what. We went to Raffles Place. I don't remember why Raffles Place but i remember us sitting on by the river. I remembered you talking to me and i didn't say anything at all. I did not know what to say. It was quite an awkward moment siting there with you for the first time, trying to create a conversation. Then you sent me to Yishun bus stop where my parents were.

Left is our first photo together. Then we went out a few times. leg kickings... We hit it off. But not in a relationship. We just have a pleasant friendship. Then he asked me out to tell me a few important stuff as he said it. But before that could happen, shit hap'ed. The world overturned. I heard the gun shots and the bombs. I saw ruins. Everything was all over the place. But we slowly picked up the bits and pieces from the ruins and slowly pieced them back together one by one. Painstakingly and patiently. And when everything was back together in a beautiful picture, we just got stronger. That was 30 April 2007. Took our time to get to know each other until 27 July 2007 when his dad called mine to say that they are coming on the Sunday, 29 July 2007. Untuk merisik meminang and tunang skali gus. :) This was news. Although it was short noticed, Alhamdulillah things went smoothly well... Since then, i was known as tunangan Ahmad Sodiqin.
Simple yet meaningful occasion. Had on a baju kurung mum and dad bought me, wore the big brooch he bought me, did my own simple make up.
That was my happiest day so far. :)
And this marks an important day in our history...

Lesson Learnt

2007-12-22T03:54:00.000+08:00

1 Question to 1000 People = Surveyor
1000 Questions to 1 Person = Questioner
1 Question to 1 Person = Affirmation.
Hence, i'm not a surveyor. Nor am i a questioner.I'm just out to get an affirmation. PERIOD.So all u ever need to do, is tell me 'YES' or 'NO'.And it will be done.At this point of time, I dun't need advices. Nor do i need pieces of your mind.You are a loyal friend.But loyal to just A friend.Or maybe OLD FRIENDS. Or whatever you might call it.Yeah i enjoy all the conversations we had.Yeah you are a good chat mate.No doubt a good listener.But i guess you don't consider a newfound friend a friend?Well maybe you show friendship in a different style.Your style that i probably have not gotten used to.Hopefully someday i will.I'm sorry if this sounds harsh.
It was fine for you to update him what i questioned. Nah... 'Question' sounds too demanding.I asked. Did i force an answer out of you? I don't remember doing that.In fact i remembered asking only once.And i'm not even interested in knowing any other details.But when it comes to the Man, it sounds like i'm making a big survey.I don't know if i should laugh. Or if i should cry. I can't even react to it.
I'll make it clear, it was NOT a survey.
It was just an off-hand question.It's like asking you - 'Simfulan tuh dulu tinggal england eh?' instead of asking the person himself.This is not what i call a survey.
Once again, sorry if this sounds harsh...
Hope to get to know you better...

12th Dec 2007 - 14 Dec

2007-12-13T13:07:00.000+08:00

12 Dec

..Went searching for lovely dress for Yee Ting
for her b'day tomorrow. We got this pretty dress at citylink.
It was downright georgeous!

That reminds me.
Its the eve of Arifin's b'day ;)
mum, dad, LOvELy FiaNcE and myself went looking for
a b'day present for him. It was late when we left
our house so we ended up going to Mustafa Centre.
We got him Man U jerseys, a Nike shirt and an adidas wind breaker.
It was hard to get a cab back home. As usual.

13 Dec

LOvELy FiANcE sent me to school today :D
He was darn early. He left home at 5am. Reached my stop at 5.30am.
He was supposed to meet me at 5.40am.
It was a great morning ;)
Thnx dear! Love u so much! :-*

It's The day ;)
Happy B'day to Yee Ting and Arifin!!!
May all ur wishes come true.
I was talking to our lecturer Alexis when

"Happy B'day to u
Happy B'day to u
Happy B'day to Yeeting~
Happy B'day to u..."

Hey! How could u guys not wait for me!
Just then...

"Happy B'day to u
Happy B'day to u
Happy B'day to Syiqin~
Happy B'day to u..."

Alexis was like "Ouh... Its for u. Go lah..."
hehex
Since 14 Dec is not a school day for us, we celebrated it in advance.
Thnx guys love u all so much ;)
They got us chocolate brownie from secret recipe
and got me a bag from Mophosis :)
Thnx! Love it! ;)
Then we went to have luch at Seoul Gardens.
We had a great time...

14 Dec

The real day...
The clock strikes 12 and
this officially marks the end of my teenage years.
Sweet LOvELy FiANcE called to sing me Happy B'day.
He left for the toilet and my sweet Cuzzie Yuyul called to sing me Happy B'day too ;D
I'm like 20... Duhh... Whatever...
But still, Alhamdulillah :)
LOvELy FiANcE fetched me from school...
He looked all stressed up. That event planning shait.
Said he needed to sit somewhere and relax so we went to a void deck nearby.
Then suddenly he took out a SWATCH watch and... "HAPPIE B'DAY SYG!!!"
hehe... Drama rupenye... hehex
Lovely sweet watch :)
That night LOvELy FiANcE and family came over to my house after ratib al-attas.
We celebrated Cik Ana's. Arifin's And my B'day at my place.
My cuzzies bought me a chocolate ice-cream cake from Swensens. Cuzzie Putri bought me shower gel from body shop. My neighbour bought me some incense and my Cuzzie Yuyul made me a cup of candle gel. NICE ;)
Thnx everyone!
Nih baru namenye sambutan 3 hari, 3 malam... hehe

2007-12-08T06:19:00.000+08:00

My first photo for this blog :)
will add more next time oukiesss...
So much work to do now

to The dear her

2007-12-07T00:36:00.000+08:00

to The her.
It had been so long since i last went around with you.
Just the 2 of us.

When i never had to bother to mingle around
Cos' i know you'd always be there.
When it never mattered what others thought about me
Cos' i know you'd always be there.
When i know u are the first person i can run to when i'm tearing
or just feeling down
Cos' i knoe you'd always be there.

All this. All this made me take our friendship for granted.
I never took any time to think what would happen someday when
you'd stop being there.
We're near but i feel we're drifting too far apart.
Seeing you next to me brings back all our bitter sweet memories.
It touched my heart just to see u there.
So near yet so far.

I missed those day when we kept 'arguing'(what others call it) over every other issues trying to keep our stands.
We'd argue and then we'd laugh about it.
I missed those days when we kept picking on people to tease
We'd tease and then we'd laugh about it.
I missed that day you thought me to shop for shoes. My first pair of shoes.
We'd shop and then we'd laugh about it.

For a long time we'd stopped having those.
Until 2 days ago.
We had lunch together again.
Just the 2 of us.
Had lunch
You helped me to pick out the coloured card for my LOvELy fiANcE.
Having a nice long chat as went along.
A nice long chat that i missed having with you.
I MISSED YOU.
I MISSED US.
I DO.

Help Me

2007-12-04T07:44:00.000+08:00

I'm so-o stressed. Interim submission is just around the corner.
IT'S NEXT MONDAY, 10 DECEMBER 2007
I haven't even got my floor plans finalised!
**banging my head against the wall**
When the heck am i going to start on my sections?!
(And i 'm stil here blogging) - CRAP
one thing for sure, CRYING DOESN'T HELP A PEA.
Urrrgh! I wish it does...
Gotta get back to work now...
MUMMMMMMY! HUG MEEEEEE!

Today...

2007-12-01T15:45:00.000+08:00

This morning i received an SMS regarding my fren's mom who have passed on. That happened yesterday morning in the US. Apparently she was sent there for some job stuff. She complained of breathing difficulties moments before. Her body will reach Singapore on Monday morning. To my dear frens Jihan and Nuri i hope that u guys will keep strong in facing this. We will all return to Allah someday. Its just a matter of time. Rajinkan diri solat dan jgn lupe doakan ur mum k. Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat keatas rohnya serta pade kite2 yg masih hidup di alam yg fana ini. Amiin.

MSN

2007-11-28T07:32:00.000+08:00

one good thing about MSN is that it is rather easy to conceal ur feeling.
Nobody knows when u're crying or laughing.
Nobody knows when you are having a mocking smile slapped on your face.
Nobody knows
Nobody knows
Nobody knows
You can simply sound happy by typing ' hehe '
or sound sad by typing ' :'( '
Cos nobody Knows
Nobody knows
Nobody knows

Third entry of the day

2007-11-27T08:31:00.000+08:00

This is my third entry over a few hours...
I needed to blabber sum things out(as always). heh. So yeah.
I cant explain it(more like i can but no one understands it). i just have this queer way of handling things.
What i have guessed turned out to be true. To say i'm not surprised,
i'm not.(its not like the world ended yesterday but i'm still living today or sumtin.Its just a normal, unsurprising truth) erm. heh.
I've kept this long enough. I just needed to settle myself down. So that i can finally let go of this from my mind. Its bothering me every now and then. This is because i have yet to get an answer to my own questions.
But today, i (finally) got to put my mind at ease (though i still dunt understand why it had to be kept frm me before). But all my questions are answered well and clear. And i still love u like i do.
As i have said before, a fact can be something u detest but we should always learn to accept it and move on.

Accepting a fact is not about running away from it, pretending it never happened. But to realise that it happened, to discover the mistakes, the wrongs, the faults and try live a better today....

P.S: to my LOvELy FiaNcE, I Love You the way u are and will always do
Know that i have truly accepted your love
and truly loving u

Accepting ur past the way they are
Living the present creating our own sweet memories
and building our Future together

2007-11-27T06:55:00.000+08:00

i know there's more than meets the eyes

But honestly, i dunt care.
What happened, has happened.
so be it.
I wunt affect or change the fact that i love u.

Another new entry

2007-11-27T04:35:00.000+08:00

Watched Enchanted Princess...

wee...
was that sarcastic or what...

haha

k it was not bad.

magical.

but LOvELy FiaNcE hated the storyline.
You that thing about the princess having sumone,
then liking someone else.
And the guy having someone,
then liking someone else.
Oh well...
But i liked the setting.
Magical...

Come here Dear
Shhh...
Did you hear that?
Yes, THAT.
You hear it?
Its my heart
It speaks
and it says I LOVE U

Its about yesterday...

2007-11-20T08:27:00.000+08:00

Went to 2 wedding ceremonies from Johore. LOvELy FiaNcE fetched me at Kranji at 12 noon. He was there at 12 but as usual i was late. heh... Mum and dad sent me to Kranji, met him and left. The we headed for the Groom's. When we reached, he just left for the Bride. Then i saw Auntie Jara there arranging kueh. Hehex.... Fadie, Su and another gerl was there too... And guess who else i saw? haha... Fera. hmm... heh... Well, she kissed me. FOR THE FIRST TIME since i know her. heh. I was shocked enough back then when she first shook hands with me after meeting like a lot of times. KISSING ME!!! haha... Anyway, after that we went to the Bride's. When we reached, both the Bride and Groom has left for the Groom's place... Ouh Bother... haha. I was waiting for the both of them to come back when the air got tense. So i made my leave with LOvELy FiaNcE... A movie after so-o long... Game Plan. Watch it. Its good...

MY THROAT SOAR LIKE MAD

In school... On a Friday...

2007-11-17T05:59:00.000+08:00

Its Friday. An off day.I'm supposed to be home sleeping, lazing around ain't i? Yeah... But Noooooo... I'm like here in the studio preparing slides for some seminar which me and frens have to present on a date we don't even know. The attendance warning letter just reached home this morning. Like i care... hehex... Not that i skipped school but i was always more than 15 mins late. haha... Lets talk about sometihng else...

But i don't quite know what to say... erk...

Okay i know, I was supposed to meet LOvELy FiaNcE at Outram today before we proceed to Bedok. But there's a change of plan. I was supposed to meet mum and dad at kranji afte i meet him but he didn't like meeting me for a while too short. So we end up not meeting today until Sunday when i get back from Johor. I meet him everyday and almost every hour of the day that not meeting him for one day kills me. Us. He's like with me at my house all the time he's free in the day till night before he finally goes home at night. He's with me during his free hours, with me during lunch, with me on weekends, with me almost all the time. Its like a dream come true. Its nice to see him peacefully sleeping on my front sofa. :) tweets! I have a secret to tell u dear... Till we meet again :)

WHAT?!

2007-10-31T13:30:00.000+08:00

28 OCTOBER 2007
That's just a day before 29th! So unforgettable. 29th is our engagement anniversary if u are still oblivious of that fact by now. My LOvELy FiaNcE was out jalan raya with his dear YDO mates - A boy's day out or so he calls it (hEh).
But thats not quite the important stash. I stayed home the whole day working on my baby lappie doing school stuff. Half an hour to 7pm i called LOvELy FiaNcE up as he was supposed to confirm with me the time he was going to teach my bro Fiqh. Air got a bit tense when he gave a time little too late. Soon right after we killed it off, i called up my cuzzie frantically asking if she could just take some time off to teach my lil bro. Then i got back to work far from peace.

Now here's the real stash - A minute to 7pm i received an SMS. "Abg accident". Good. Already we didn't hit it off too well on the last call, now you're playing tricks; or so i thought. i sweetly replied to thet SMS half expecting a reply. But when i did not get any reply after, say, 10 secs, i started to panic. I called but no one answered my call. A minute later i called again. A fren i didn't know answered; Not knowing what to tell me. Passed the phone to LOvELy FiaNcE. Heard him speak. Sigh of relieve. But that accident wasn't just a stupid joke. It damned happened. He only said he cant move his head and cut the line off. uH-oH... PaNicK bOmB. I called again almost in tears. Good fren Shahib answered the call this time.Given a choice i wouldn't speak to him on the phone. I wouldn't speak to any other guy on the phone for no apparent reason, just passing time. No, especially not his good buddy. He explained at length what happened and how it happened. He's words are all jumbled that i did not even know if his parents were already informed. But i roughly got the picture of what happened. Thnx. His car skidded, went up the divider, spun to the other side of the road and hit into a tree. Miracle has it that they were still in quite a good shape. The human, not the car. The back of the car squashed. But they were still in one piece. SubhanAllah.

I woke my parents up telling them LOvELy FiaNcE met with an accident panicking them all the same. For the first time i managed to change in 10 mins. After i changed, i called LOvELy FiaNcE again. Good fren answered the call again and every subsequent calls i made. He told me he was in the ambulance accompanying LOvELy FiaNcE to Tan Tock Seng Hospital. I called up LOvELy FiaNcE's home and bapak answered. Told him of the accident and venue. Then me and mum and dad hit the front gate. As we were about to leave the house, My aunts and cuzzies came for Hari Raya. We told them we had to leave and are very sorry. We told them to just stay in and my Bro would serve them. My grandad was home too. Then, we left. Went to TTSH in a cab. Reached TTSH Emergency Department and spot Good fren at the door. He told us that LOvELy FiaNcE is still in the emergency room. Dad gave his I/C and went in not bothering whether i want to go in and meet LOvEly FiaNcE. Finaaly he came out and i get to go in. I was directed to room 8. There were so many people on the beds and i couldn't find LOvELy FiaNcE. And when i found him, i wished i hadn't. It was painful to see him lying there on the bed helplessly. He had the neck brace(collar) on. He couldn't move his head, looking at me from the corner of his eyes. i only managed to whisper some hopeful words into his ears; Saying 'its going to be okay' and 'be strong' and 'i love you' before the doctors tell me to wait outside. I didn't want to leave him alone in there with all the other patients and staff. I wanted to be there. But they made me leave. As i was going out, his mum and dad arrived. Shook hands with mak and bapak and waited for LOvELy FiaNcE to be out. He was in there for over 4 hours - from 7.30pm to almost 12mn. He still could not lift up his head by then and was warded. The driver Azhar was informed. he came by guilty. Wasn't his fault totally. it was just them being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Or what i call it - FATE. I cancelled my Jalan Raya trip with my poly frens the next day. i wanted to spend the time with LOvELy FiaNcE. I couldn't bring myself to leave him in the ward alone when i had to leave that night. there were 4 beds in that ward 3 of which is empty. He was all alone. I was on the verge of crying. I saw him tearing up too. I promised him i'd there the next morning. Then bapak drove mum, dad and me home.This whole thing made me cherish you more.

I am thankful

that God gave us time

to see and

to love

each other again.

Listen to This 'i cant say the word'

2007-10-20T01:28:00.000+08:00

'Mcm mane nk 'mim'? Please teach me' Kefale hotak ko biskot. xde mende laen ke ko nk tanye? 'i cant say the word' again. sory for the lewdness. saje nk puaskan hati.

Secebis Rahsia Hati

2007-10-16T13:09:00.001+08:00

Selami jiwaku